I have a secret to disclose....I am "in a relationship". Everybody knows I am married but I must admit that I have developed a special attachment but this is a unique attachment..... with food.Yes, and by this, I mean "we" have this long standing relationship that started during my highschool years. Partly, I blamed my mother for making food a part of a reward system which was practiced a lot during my childhood days because each time I got high grades, Mom would treat me out to fastfoods and restaurants . She would pamper me with food each time I made good in something. Well, that was Mom’s expression of love and that was really, really sweet!
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| I have this long standing relationship with food... |
Well, not until I felt everything became bitter when I was already overweight at 145 pounds with my height at 5 feet and 4 inches, medium frame- Obviously, I was overweight at a young age of 15 until my young adult years.I had been the subject of ridicule and persecution –people used to call me “fatty”, “rolly polly” and “big momma” etc. for being an overweight teenager. I had painful experiences of rejection from my classmates, friends and even relatives who dislike me because I was fat and ugly.
I hated myself. Even more depressing was the fact that I found pleasure and comfort on eating more and more junk! Of course, there came a point when I decided to go on a diet and badly desired to lose weight but the more I desired to lose weight, the more I reached out for those ice cream and choco chips cookies in our fridge and the more I crave for more food! I remember that Pringle's TV commercial tagline "once you pop, you can't stop". That's how it was- I just can't stop loving food.
When I went to university, There was some kind of a love triangle when I met an ordinary (but cute) guy who made me believe that I was the most attractive girl on the planet (wishful thinking) and my whole life was dependent on this person only to find out that he was just fooling around. I was devastated and let go of a two-year abusive relationship. I felt really depressed and went on to continue my relationship with food which became my shock absorber, my best friend, "my love."
I had many things floating on my head at that time -—feelings of inadequacy, anger, and helplessness would attack me from time to time. I vacillated for so long between being contented and accepting my body figure as it was or deciding to lose weight. I asked myself million dollar questions like: Do I really like what I see when I look at myself in the mirror? (Obviously, not!) How do I feel about my body? Do I like myself? Am I worth changing for? It was difficult and uncomfortable on my part, but I had to be true to myself and accept the fact that I need change. I realized that enough is enough with food. It was time to have a "cool off". It was time to love myself…I got up and decided to have a lifestyle revamp- that included a "body makeover"-actually, that's the biggest part of the revamp.
Working through the issues of losing weight, self discipline and will power was very challenging. Sure, there were times of hardship and slipping back – when I would want to eat chocolate cookies as a reward for an achievement done, but I considered it a test of perseverance, of patience to face up to the trials and temptations and I have learned to deny my cravings and committed on learning new and effective ways to manage my weight and alter my “I can’t” to “I will”.
Now, at 42, and 25 pounds later and definitely "lighter", aside from my ideal body and as people say, “youthful glow” (which came as a bonus),I have gained confidence and a better disposition in life. I have become disciplined and strong willed. I learned to love myself and my body-take care of it, eat the right kinds of food and became energetic. I have absolutely more fun now with family and friends and learned to enjoy life!
I have developed a better way of handling this "special attachment" with food, carefully choosing the healthy and the "goodies" over the "junkies" . I’ve realized that the way you think and take food is directly proportional to the way you think and treat yourself. You take control over food and you take control over your life. Of course there isn’t any shortcut or magic, but it will definitely be worth the effort. Yes, I am still “in a relationship” with food and like any other relationships, it's much better now and has grown matured too.. For me, it is a permanent relationship that nobody can take away.
