"In a Relationship"

I have a secret to disclose....I am "in a relationship". Everybody knows I am married but I must admit that I have developed a special attachment but this is a unique attachment..... with food.Yes, and by this, I mean "we" have this long standing relationship  that started during my highschool years. Partly, I blamed my mother for making food a part of a reward system which was practiced a lot during my childhood days because each time I got high grades, Mom would treat me out to fastfoods and restaurants . She would pamper me with food each time I made good in something. Well, that was Mom’s expression of love and that was really, really sweet!

I have this long standing relationship with food...

Well, not until I felt everything became bitter when I was already overweight at 145 pounds with my height at 5 feet and 4 inches, medium frame- Obviously, I was overweight at a young age of 15 until my young adult years.I had been the subject of ridicule and persecution –people used to call me “fatty”, “rolly polly” and “big momma” etc. for being an overweight teenager. I had painful experiences of rejection from my classmates, friends and even relatives who dislike me because I was fat and ugly.

I hated myself. Even more depressing was the fact that I found pleasure and comfort  on eating more and more junk! Of course, there came a point when I decided to go on a diet and badly desired to lose weight but the more I desired to lose weight, the more I reached out for those ice cream and choco chips cookies in our fridge and the more I crave for more food! I remember that Pringle's TV commercial tagline "once you pop, you can't stop". That's how  it was- I just can't stop loving food.

When I went to university, There was some kind of a love triangle when I met an ordinary (but cute) guy who made me believe that I was the most attractive girl on the planet (wishful thinking) and my whole life was dependent  on this person  only to find out that he was just fooling around. I was devastated and let go of a two-year abusive relationship. I felt really depressed and went on to continue my relationship with food which became my shock absorber, my best friend, "my love."

I had many things floating on my head at that time -—feelings of inadequacy, anger, and helplessness would attack me from time to time. I vacillated for so long between being contented and accepting my body figure as it was or deciding to lose weight. I asked myself million dollar questions like: Do I really like what I see when I look at myself in the mirror? (Obviously, not!) How do I feel about my body? Do I like myself? Am I worth changing for?  It was difficult and uncomfortable on my part, but I had to be true to myself and accept the fact that I need change. I realized that enough is enough with food. It was time to have a "cool off". It was time to love myself…I got up and decided to have a lifestyle revamp- that included a "body makeover"-actually, that's the biggest part of the revamp.

Working through the issues of losing weight, self discipline and will power was very challenging. Sure, there were times of hardship and slipping back – when I would want to eat chocolate cookies as a reward for an achievement done, but I considered it a test of perseverance, of patience to face up to the trials and temptations and I have learned to deny my cravings and committed on learning new and effective ways to manage my weight and alter my “I can’t” to “I will”.

Now, at 42, and 25 pounds later and definitely "lighter", aside from my ideal body and as people say, “youthful glow” (which came as a bonus),I have gained  confidence and a better disposition in life. I have become disciplined and strong willed. I learned to love myself and my body-take care of it, eat the right kinds of food and became energetic. I have absolutely more fun now with family and friends and learned to enjoy life!

I have developed a better way of handling this "special attachment" with food, carefully choosing the healthy and the "goodies" over the "junkies" . I’ve realized that the way you think and take food is directly proportional to the way you think and treat yourself. You take control over food and you take control over your life.  Of course there isn’t any shortcut or magic, but it will definitely be worth the effort. Yes, I am still “in a relationship” with food and like any other relationships, it's much better now and has grown matured too.. For me, it is a permanent relationship that nobody can take away.

40 something.... and Loving It!

“Life begins at 40”….I've heard it a hundred times. Sounds trite, but I must say it’s true. It’s so different when I was younger.Oh well, I  just turned 42 a couple of months ago and…I feel as though my life has just begun. Why? Because the best things in my life were realized when I reached this age.

•  I have greater understanding of who I am, my strengths, weaknesses, gifts and talents. Gone are the days when I would mimic my favorite local artist, none other than (Philippine's) "concert queen". I used to imitate the way she'd act, talk, sing even the way she'd dress up. My high school friends would even call me by her name, and take note-not my name. I kind of lost my own unique identity … Now that I have aged; I am satisfied with the way I look and with what I have. I've learned to be contented with my life even though I am not beautiful, rich and famous, I  have totally accepted myself and totally confident of who I am.

• I have significant learning experiences that have taught me valuable lessons. I made real bad choices in the past. I used to grumble a lot, easily annoyed, I rebelled against a lot of things and I can say, I messed up my life. I have hurt a lot of people, including my loved ones and now that I have a family of my own, I realized my past mistakes and I have learned some  lessons the hard way. I was able to ask for forgiveness from God and from the people I’ve hurt. I believe I’m forgiven now but it took a while before I could even forgive myself. Thankful still that my experiences and mistakes brought me back to my faith in God. Now, by God’s grace I feel free!

•  I’ve learned a new perspective, that being 40+ is not at all boring. I have learned to have fun and acquire new skills every so often. I have become more disciplined, I learned to love my body and take care of it, eat the right kinds of food…yes, you see I have been an overweight teenager,weighing 145 pounds (with medium frame and 5 feet , four inches in height) and won over it and now  after more than two decades, I am still able to maintain my ideal weight. 

• I have developed a better disposition in life- I believe I'm calmer now, forgiving and more contented than ever before.I always meditate on the goodness of God and  His wonderful creation. I am  definitely having  fun with my family …Oh,  I love them so much!  Having a loving husband and five beautiful children (three of them are now teenagers), I'm able to be myself and enjoy them and oh, actually enjoying my friends and the people around me in general.

•  I used to work really hard in the corporate world but have decided to work at home in the last couple of years to take care of what matter most in life: faith, myself.and family- I always have these three in this order and everything else follows. Right now, I am happy  being a freelance corporate trainer, writer and a counselor, that's right, a counselor and I feel I have a lot to share with my counselees because I've gone through so many ups and downs, the ugly and the beauty of life.

I could say, I am still a student of life. I know that I have still a lot to learn and God is not finished with me yet. I am still a work in progress. He is still molding me to be the person that He wants me to be. Doesn’t matter to me whether I am 14, 24, 34 or 42…all I know is that this is a great age to be. Yes I'm 40 something… and I’m  loving it!

The Poor Heredera

I am a proud “heredera ”, yes I am...... by this, I don’t mean that I am "heiress" to hectares and hectares of land. My father who died in January 2007 left me with a piece of land located in  the Vibrant City. Happy? Of course, very happy indeed because there wouldn’t be any need to buy another house and lot for my growing family anymore ( besides, I can't afford to buy!) and I am already used to the environment having lived in this city since I was 7 years old. FYI, I am already 41 years old now, married with 5 children and this is where my  5 children were born and raised.  And I am just happy that we’re living decently. At least it's not very obvious that we're poor because we have a decent roof over our heads.  But the happiness and contentment ended and were replaced by sleepless nights and anxiety.  

“Paping” (that’s what I used to call my father),  did not inform me that he had not been paying the necessary taxes since 1986 (Oh yes, since I was in high school) and much to my surprise, I didn't know that the property has been auctioned last May 2006 at eighteen thousand pesos.I didn't receive any notice from the Municipality, NOT EVEN ONCE! It was only last October 8, 2007 when somebody from the municipality came over and advise us to call the City Treasurer's office, that I was able to discover the auction of our property. I was so disheartened to find out that we have to repurchase our property but for the sake of my children, I was willing to redeem it at reasonable rate.


I understood very well that I have to buy back our property and because it was auctioned at eighteen thousand pesos, I offered the bidder Mr. Cat_l_s  (of Lav _ r _ e Realty) thirty five thousand pesos at first but he declined so I offered forty thousand pesos but he was just not satisfied with my offer. He told me that they can give me fifty thousand pesos to leave the property or I have to pay 50% of the market value of the land and we’re talking about a 189 square meter property and I just can't afford to pay more than what I had offered him. I even cried and begged him to accept my offer for the sake of my family but he just told me, "No amount of tears can change my mind. Marami kami " (referring to his business associates in realty  business). I felt so humiliated that I have to beg for our own property but I was carried away by my emotions, of pity for my five children and the fear for their future. I don't have any more asset. This is the only one I've got, I am just a simple person who live within the family's meager income while depending so much on God's grace and provision everyday.

 Since I was not given any notice from the very start or informed of the said auction, and since I am a registered voter and a pure blooded Filipino citizen, I have the guts..at least,the nerve to exercise my right and to ask for help!. Oh well, I just thought that it was payback time so perhaps I could ask help from our mayor. Besides I have have been a very loyal supporter and a believer of his advocacy; I have campaigned for him, and even became a volunteer poll watcher for two consecutive elections so I figured out it's time that I would benefit. I made an appeal to our City mayor to grant me an extension to pay the bid price at reasonable rate and to give me an ample pay back grace period. He responded and told me he will try to come up with a solution because my case is complicated since it is already in the hands of private individuals. To make the long story short, the city’s effort of giving back our property failed so our Mayor suggested that I file a court case. I thought that was a joke because he knew about my financial condition or I thought…… is he going to pay for the expenses? After all, it was his administration that’s responsible for the unlawful auction of our property…never mind; I still had an option then….


I then thought of writing to senators, i thought maybe it was about time to re compensate my endless support to the leaders I have voted and trusted?  So I sent emails to 14 senators, both men and lady senators, some celebrity senators who are known to help showbiz people but NONE of them responded! No one! ZERO! Nobody helped me, there was nobody who gave attention!  I figured out maybe, because I was no celebrity or maybe because I'm poor or maybe (just maybe) because it wasn't election time?

I felt bitter because I have always voted for them every election time but no one gave me attention and consideration. At the back of my mind, I supposed those politicians would give you favor if they could get something back. Maybe, that's how it is. Yes, they're doing it for "ganda" and "pogi" points but when it comes to problems like this one,they would choose whom to help...Who am I compared to the popular celebrities who were shining,shivering, splendid during their campaigns? Who am I compared to those popular TV/ movie personalities? I am simply, Aling Franing, HEREDERA of a piece of land and indebtedness…. ordinary "Juana dela Cruz" fighting and hoping for help and justice, not only for myself but for my loved ones.

Did I pursue the case?Oh yes! With the PAO (Public Attorney's Office) lawyers assisting me but they were reluctant to help me at first because according to them I have a property and I am not a pauper and therefore I should be getting a very good (meaning, expensive) lawyer. Well, I consulted one.-  an "abogado de campanilla"  who quoted a very high lawyer's fee, something i couldn't afford so I was compelled to go back to PAO and request (more like begging) for a lawyer who could help me and I was able to get one (they're left with no choice and I had no choice too). This  is the case of annulment of tax foreclosure sale.

Am I happy now? No! Why, because the game is not over yet. I haven't won yet. I figured out a few lessons in this battle- lessons I have learned the hard way. 

• Lesson #1: to pay taxes diligently. Don't leave your loved ones debts to pay. 
• Lesson # 2: to be very wise in voting for leaders in this country or DON’T VOTE AT ALL!; Honestly, I am still vacillating---- to vote or not to vote for the next election. Been exercising my right to vote since I was 18 but now, it seems useless and a waste of time.
• Lesson # 3: Earn  a lot of money so you would always have a choice – whether to get a de campanilla lawyer or opt for a PAO lawyer who , instead of helping you (not all PAO lawyers, though!), they discourage you;well, let's understand them- they already have so many cases in their plate and they couldn't bear to take more. 
• And last,  lesson # 4: Don't be mean especially to  the less fortunate. Look at the lucky bidder from Lav _ r _ e Realty ....tsk...tsk... Does he know that life is like a wheel? Let's not forget that it keeps on turning- sometimes you're up ( Oh, lucky you!) but sometimes you're down because life is so uncertain.

Understand that life here on earth is just temporary and everything that we do has an eternal significance. Let's ask ourselves if the things we do now will matter 100 years from now? Maybe It's about time we store up riches in heaven, not here on earth! In heaven, where our treasures can't be destroyed by moths and rust and where thieves do not break in and steal. Isn't it good to be heir to our Heavenly Father's TRUE RICHES in heaven? 

For now,I am Aling Franing, the poor heir, but definitely , will not remain poor "heredera" !Besides, I know I am heiress to the King of Kings' heavenly treasures!